Well, it’s been…way too long since my last entry. Needless to say, I am way off track. Two things happened that didn’t make it any easier to stick with my program. One was the holidays. I know, that’s not really an excuse…but it is to me, so, stick it. Haha. The second was a real excuse, and that was that I had emergency surgery to take my appendix out. That happened a few days before New Years, and it knocked me out for three weeks. So, about two weeks of holiday crap, and then three more weeks of recuperation from surgery…that’s FIVE WEEKS of no activity. I’ve since then started back with my weekly training sessions with R, but it’s been like pulling teeth trying to get myself to exercise between sessions. And, I’ve been feeling it.
I feel fat, lethargic, self-conscious, and depressed again.
The fact that I gained an inch around my waist isn’t any consolation.
I’m at this point where I really need to make a solid decision and stick with it. Either give up and weep and eat, or work my ass off again.
Everything that I’ve been doing to pass the time really needs to be secondary at this point. I’m not giving them up at all, they just need to be secondary. First priority after work is to exercise and have a healthy dinner. Second priority will be my hobbies and whatnot. The question in my mind is…do I want to go to the gym? Do I want to stick around my neighborhood? Or do I want to make my way to the track again?
I think a combination of all three might be a good thing.
So here’s a preliminary idea of what I have in mind for myself.
Monday: Meet with R for session.
Tuesday: Walk home from work (it’s a good 45 minute walk).
Wednesday: Gym for weights and cardio after work.
Thursday: Light 30 minute walk.
Friday: Rest.
Saturday: Field trip! YMCA track, OHSU hill, or hiking. Strength exercises at home. Alone or with friends.
Sunday: Rest.
As far as food goes, I’m slowly working towards a standard meal plan for the week and another for weekends. I’m going for calorie restriction for now, balancing protein, complex carbs, and fat. So far, I’ve fallen flat on my face numerous times…but, at least it’s getting back to thinking about what I’m consuming.
I just need to realize that this whole plan is TEMPORARY. I need to understand that it will, it has to change in time if I want to be successful. Once I reach my goal, then it’s all about maintenance. This is both comforting and a little scary.
This past year, one of the biggest obstacles in front of just going for broke in terms of weight loss (‘cause, let’s face it…I have the power to make the right decisions and to exercise), is that I wasn’t sure I really WANTED to lose the weight. Losing the weight would mean unwanted attention, maintaining moderation, and becoming socially “acceptable.” I would no longer be invisible or have license to eat whatever I wanted. People would look at and treat me differently as a thin person than as a fat person. And I was afraid that I would look at fat people differently, too. That I would become arrogant and preachy about the dangers of being fat. I hate people like that.
Like most of my fears, these are probably never going to come to fruition. And if they do? So what? I’ll deal with them when they arise.
So…here’s to tweaking my lifestyle again.
