I think I’m over my funk. Totally depressed, totally defeated. A lot of things happened that made it seem like my life was going to shit. There was a major crisis with a dear friend, the measure that would allow for me to keep my job didn’t pass so I have seven months to find something else to do, and my weight went up to 290 again. Yesterday I missed church and just generally felt like a wretch. Finally I made up my mind that I couldn’t do this everytime a stumbling block was thrown my way. So, I got back up, dusted myself off, and headed to the gym. I still feel pretty down, but nothing that exercise couldn’t help. I went to the gym and was humiliated…in a good way…by all the mirrors mocking me. My trainer took me into the yoga room and made me do all this running and these jumping jacks for a ‘warm up’. HOLY SHIT. Not only were my feet killing me, but during the jumping jacks I could see myself in the mirror and my shirt had hiked up over my pants so that when I jumped up I could see my jiggly stomach. *DIES* I had to remind myself that this was all for a reason, a purpose, an end. I had to remind myself that maybe in a year’s time, I won’t see that. Maybe a little jiggle…a firmer jiggle.

Then, we went to the free weights, and in the midst of all those perfect bodies, I had to stare at my form in the mirror while lifting dumbells over my head. Oy.

*there is a reason i’m doing this there is a reason i’m doing this there is a reason i’m doing this*

After a good talk with my trainer I was released to my own devices. So I headed to the treadmill and did a program with varied incline and speeds for about fourty-five minutes.

Today I’m sore in all the right places. And…it feels good. I have to say that while it’s a war zone as far as my eating is concerned, I really like lifting weights. I’m making my body do something it’s not used to doing, and I like feeling my body keep working even after I leave the gym.

While I let my good eating habits go to seed for the most part, I still am resolved to get back on track now. I like eating moderately, I have to remember that in site of my emotional desire to stuff myself silly. I really don’t like feeling extremely full and I have to honor my body for telling me when I don’t eat right.

So…Monday morning weigh in and measurements. Back down to 285! It’s teetering between 286 and 285, but I’ll just grab 285 and run with it.

Waist: -1 inch (total -2 since 9/28)
Hips: no gain or loss (total -3 since 9/28)
Biceps: -.5 inch (total -1 since 9/28)
Thighs: -.5 inch (total – 4.5 since 9/28)
Calf: no gain or loss (total -.5 since 9/28)