Keeping it up.

I’ve been doing better than normal so far this week. I’ve hit the  mid week hump. I didn’t make my breakfast or lunch for today because I sacrificed my breakfast/lunch making time to hit the gym for an hour last night. Well, I did alright this morning eating out. I had a granola bar, orange, and nonfat milk for breakfast, and then a salad and a couple pot stickers for lunch.

The ride home was NASTY though. It was pouring rain, like…as my friend Commie Pinko said…a dishwasher! LOL. Just massive amounts of rain. And guess who forgot her umbrella? And guess whose busride home took FOREVER because of stupid traffic? And guess who was wearing high heel boots and had to stand for a half hour on the said stupid bus? Yup. Me. All I wanted to do was come home, order a pizza, and pigout.

Luckily I bit the bullet and broiled a chicken breast, warmed up left over brown rice, and washed a handful of snap peas. Mmmm. And filling. I really want ice cream for dessert…but I think I’ll make a fruit and yogurt smoothie instead.

So…as you can tell…I just got done watching ‘The Biggest Loser’ tonight. Like I’ve said before, I totally admire those guys for literally working their asses of, and I can’t help but get a teensy bit jealous. I mean…two guys are close to losing 100 pounds, and one guy has lost 100 pounds. And the one who was booted off has lost a total of about 50 more pounds since he left the show. He looks GOOD. So, it was only the slightest bit inspiring to keep going myself. I don’t expect myself to get results like that so quickly, and frankly…even though I’d love to, I don’t really want to. I want this to be a LIFE CHANGE. I don’t want to race to lose weight and then go back to my old ways of eating and not exercising. So, I’m inspired by the show, but I’m in no hurry to get results like they are.

Anyhooooo…that’s it for today! Feeling good, and I’m resolved to keep going.

I think I’m over my funk. Totally depressed, totally defeated. A lot of things happened that made it seem like my life was going to shit. There was a major crisis with a dear friend, the measure that would allow for me to keep my job didn’t pass so I have seven months to find something else to do, and my weight went up to 290 again. Yesterday I missed church and just generally felt like a wretch. Finally I made up my mind that I couldn’t do this everytime a stumbling block was thrown my way. So, I got back up, dusted myself off, and headed to the gym. I still feel pretty down, but nothing that exercise couldn’t help. I went to the gym and was humiliated…in a good way…by all the mirrors mocking me. My trainer took me into the yoga room and made me do all this running and these jumping jacks for a ‘warm up’. HOLY SHIT. Not only were my feet killing me, but during the jumping jacks I could see myself in the mirror and my shirt had hiked up over my pants so that when I jumped up I could see my jiggly stomach. *DIES* I had to remind myself that this was all for a reason, a purpose, an end. I had to remind myself that maybe in a year’s time, I won’t see that. Maybe a little jiggle…a firmer jiggle.

Then, we went to the free weights, and in the midst of all those perfect bodies, I had to stare at my form in the mirror while lifting dumbells over my head. Oy.

*there is a reason i’m doing this there is a reason i’m doing this there is a reason i’m doing this*

After a good talk with my trainer I was released to my own devices. So I headed to the treadmill and did a program with varied incline and speeds for about fourty-five minutes.

Today I’m sore in all the right places. And…it feels good. I have to say that while it’s a war zone as far as my eating is concerned, I really like lifting weights. I’m making my body do something it’s not used to doing, and I like feeling my body keep working even after I leave the gym.

While I let my good eating habits go to seed for the most part, I still am resolved to get back on track now. I like eating moderately, I have to remember that in site of my emotional desire to stuff myself silly. I really don’t like feeling extremely full and I have to honor my body for telling me when I don’t eat right.

So…Monday morning weigh in and measurements. Back down to 285! It’s teetering between 286 and 285, but I’ll just grab 285 and run with it.

Waist: -1 inch (total -2 since 9/28)
Hips: no gain or loss (total -3 since 9/28)
Biceps: -.5 inch (total -1 since 9/28)
Thighs: -.5 inch (total – 4.5 since 9/28)
Calf: no gain or loss (total -.5 since 9/28)

Blech

Sooo…I let myself go this weekend. I just didn’t feel like doing anything. Got bad news before the weekend and spent  a lot of time worrying. Things are better now, but I didn’t really give a rat’s ass what I put in my mouth this weekend and sat home all day watching movies yesterday.

My IBS is acting up after stuffing my face full of chocolate this week from Halloween. I know better, and the chocolate wasn’t really that good. Blah.

Today I made myself go to church, and I was glad I did. I didn’t stay for the coffee hour, but I really missed standing in the Liturgy and it really gave me the impetus to do what I needed to do today.

I went ahead and bussed downtown to my gym and worked my ass off. I feel SOOOO good, ten times better than yesterday. I did two reps on the weight machines and a half hour on the treadmill. So, now I’m all trembly.

I’m afraid to weigh myself on Wednesday for the November Challenge. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’d gained some. I keep saying it, and I’ll continue to say it…I can’t put so much stock in my weight. Sure, it’s important to keep the numbers, but I need to pay more attention to how I feel and how my clothes fit. I’m glad to say that I feel good and my clothes fit better. So, if I’ve gained a few pounds, so be it. I just want to feel good and be able to move!

Tomorrow I’ll make myself go to my OA meeting. I didn’t go last week as I was having fun with Jane, carving Halloween pumpkins. But, whenever I don’t go to a meeting, it’s as if I lose focus for the week…so I need to make sure to keep going.

Balance seems to be what I’m trying to learn lately. Exercise enough, eat as well as possible, and learn as much about my relationship with food as I possibly can.

Anyhooooooo….I’m watching a show on PBS about chimpanzees and I’m crying and totally distracted. Gah!! Humans can be so cruel.  But…that’s another topic.