What I Did This Summer

Hehe…sort of. It was certainly hot this weekend…UNREASONABLY hot. Click on the cut to read more.

This weekend was a mix of good and bad, and I’m not really too concerned with the bad as they are things I can change.

Good: T and I walked the butte behind her house. While it didn’t really kick my ass in terms of feeling my muscles cramp or not being able to breathe, it was a great workout.

Bad: I need good shoes to walk in. My feet hurt really badly and I could feel them swell. Not good.

Good: I had a grilled chicken sandwich and ice tea with no sugar for lunch.

Bad: For dinner, I binged on frozen fruit bars. I had three.

Good: Sunday I resisted the urge to go to my usual fast food stop on the way home from church (it’s a long story, but basically, I intentionally don’t eat before church, so by the afternoon I’m starving). J and I went to breakfast and I had a delicious omelet…

Bad: …the omelet was filled with bacon, ham and herb cream cheese. I also had the potatoes and the toast with it. At least this was meal and not a binge. Later that night I did binge on crackers, though. The cheese kind. And I had two more of my fruit bars.

Good: Monday morning-ish, T and I went to our first OA meeting. It’s like AA but for compulsive eaters. Even though there were only three of us there, it was good to talk with someone who has been there for awhile and who could kind of walk us through the meeting and acquaint us with the whole thing. I really hope that it’ll help me make better choices. Afterwards, we tackled Mt. Tabor. Those trails were pretty extreme compared to the butte. The environment was beautiful and cool (since it got above 80 yesterday…which is utter crap), but the trails were ridiculously steep. I felt that burn…in my butt, in my legs…ouch! But I made sure to stretch and breathe and I’m okay now, if not a little sore. Afterwards, we went to a fast food place, got one of their huge salads and split it. We looked up the nutritional info, and split in half it was actually the perfect meal. T left, and I took a nap. Then I cleaned my apartment because both J and T were going to come over that evening for dinner and the premiere of “Heroes.” T brought the food and prepared the meal. Porkchops and a salad filled with cucumber, carrots, tomatoes, kalamata olives, red pepper, crumbled feta and ceaser dressing. Then the three of us split a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. “Heroes” was interesting! Then my friends left and I was on my own. That’s when the scary happens….

Bad: ‘Studio 60’ was on, so I sat down to watch it. That was not a good decision. I should have washed my dishes and tidied the kitchen. Instead, I watched television and when I watch television I need to snack. I found another box of my cheese crackers that I forgot I had bought a few weeks ago and started in on those and I had the last fruit bar.

Good: I didn’t finish of my box of crackers like I usually would have, but realized what I was doing and put the box away.

I haven’t weighed myself since the doctor’s appointment, and I don’t necessarily feel thinner or anything. However, since exercising and making good decisions, I feel lighter on my feet.

I did make some bad decisions, but I’m not beating myself up over them. “Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes.” I have to take this one day at a time, one meal at a time.

Saturday was my step-dad’s birthday. I called him and we chatted. He’s always been a person in my life who would tell me ‘you have such a pretty face, if only…’ and I hated talking about weight and stuff with him because to him it was so easy. Stop eating and get active. He never understood where I was coming from. So, it was a big deal to tell him about my weight gain and also how my perception of myself has changed. I told him about my plans and instead of throwing a barrage of additional things I need to do to fix myself or simply just agreeing with me, he said that this was the best birthday present he could have ever received from me and that he had been praying that I would come to this conclusion on my own. I can’t tell you how good that made me feel. Just hearing him say that he trusted me to make this decision on me own released this great burden from my shoulders. I know that I don’t have to fear his judgement.

So, this weekend was good. Now to just get through the workweek! I get paid this week, so I’m going to buy a decent pair of running shoes with good support, some decent workout clothes, and…*gulp* a scale. I know weight doesn’t mean too much as far as overall health, but it’ll be nice to have a marker. I solemnly swear I won’t obsess over the numbers.